I hate that phrase “I’m not ready to be in a relationship.” It’s so vague and never conveys exactly what someone means. There’s no such thing as not being ready — or maybe there is — but most often when someone says this, they actually mean “I’m not ready to be in a relationship with you.” The “with you” is always silent.
It happens all the time, someone will say this and then a few days later be “in a relationship” with someone else. I wish people would just be clear and honest instead of dragging people along and making them feel like, “if I just keep spending time with them, maybe they’ll see how great I am and they’ll change their mind.” The truth is, you’re just setting yourself up for repeated heartbreak.
In my single days, I heard this phrase, and others that are so similar, so many times and I’m guilty of using them on people too. It’s hard to be clear with people and truly say, “I like you but I don’t want to be in a relationship with you.” In reflection, I’ve realized all the times I kept chasing unavailable people because I thought maybe I could change their mind — I couldn’t.
I think I always wasted my time doing this because in a way it postponed my happiness and I wasn’t ready to feel that. I wanted to stay in the sadness and self hatred because I didn’t think I deserved to be anywhere else. It’s always so hard to see things how they are when you’re in them because you just want something to work.
We constantly chase, feel anxious, dream of just being able to be with the person we want, but they’re always a hundred steps ahead and we can never catch up. It’s so unfortunate that we settle for the glimmers instead of the full light.
If I could give my past self advice, I’d say, “Don’t settle, don’t keep chasing someone that will never be able to meet you where you want to be. If you want a relationship, tell them, and then leave if it’s not something they can offer.”
I guess it’s all part of the process of singledom though — the trials and errors. The trying and losing. But when you meet someone who truly wants to be with you, there’s no questioning, there’s no stupid lines to prevent it from happening, you’re just together. I’ve learned that now.
